Social Intelligence

To help remember the four categories of cognitive readiness, we use ACES. This is not only a good way to remember but a good way to understand as one category feeds into the next particularly well, in this order. The S and fourth category is Social Intelligence.

Have you ever seen people who intuitively know exactly what to say in social situations and appear self-assured, even in a large crowd? You might think these folks have people skills, but what that actually is is social intelligence. Having social intelligence may be more important than you think.

Social intelligence is the ability to understand people and effectively relate to them. You want to positively engage with others, so it’s important to understand social differences. You wouldn’t speak the same way with your 68-year-old mother as you would with your 17-year-old daughter.

At work, you co-exist with and need to cooperate with folks from diverse social groups, different countries, varying age groups, and multiple religious and cultural identities. For those in leadership or management, the ability to connect with and motivate all people is the key to your and your team’s success. Being able to acknowledge and understand people’s different backgrounds is a great way to connect with them. The ability to bring people together and manage conflict sets you apart.

No one is born socially intelligent. Instead, it involves a set of skills that you learn over time. Let’s dive into those skills.

Philip E. Vernon, a British-Canadian psychologist (1933), describes social intelligence as:

“The ability to get along with people in general, social technique or ease in society, knowledge of social matters, susceptibility to stimuli from other members of a group, as well as insight into the temporary moods or underlying personality traits of strangers.”

Social Awareness:

Pay attention.

Be observant and pay attention to subtle social cues from those around you. Recognize and acknowledge the inherent strengths in others.

Social cognition is understanding how the social world works, and we build this through social awareness. Study how people process, store, and apply information about other people and social situations.

Observe and respect cultural differences. More than that, seek out these differences so you can understand them. Most people learn social skills through their family, friends and their nearby community. Socially intelligent people understand that other people have different actions and responses based on their history and upbringing.

Active Listening:

Tune in.

Practice and prepare to listen. Observe what verbal and non-verbal messages are being sent, and then provide appropriate feedback to show attentiveness to the message being presented.

Lean into others' perspectives with curiosity. Demonstrate empathy and compassion. Care about others’ needs and act accordingly.

Attunement is listening with full receptivity and ‘tuning in’ with the person you’re communicating with.

Relationship Management:

Synchronicity.

Relationship management is your ability to get the best out of others, to inspire and influence them, to communicate and build bonds with them, and to help them change, grow, develop, and resolve conflict.

Build connections so that you can build teamwork.

But also, understand how your co-workers are interacting. A lot of times, people are faking their emotions, especially at work. By building up social awareness and active listening, you’ll pick this out. Use this insight to improve the relationship and allow these ‘fakers’ to feel comfortable being themselves.

Self Presentation:

It’s not all about them.

Self presentation is about presenting ourselves well and truthfully to those around us. Yes, it will help you gain respect from your team, but it will also help you to promote yourself and team, influence others, obtain buy-in from stubborn teammates, show humility while avoiding intimidation, and help you build a story that people can rally around.

Socially intelligent people consider the impression they make on others. Reputation management is considered one of the most complex elements of social intelligence as managing a reputation requires a careful balance between creating an impression while still being authentic.

Given the importance of social intelligence in multiple aspects of life, it’s not surprising that Peterson & Seligman (2004) classified it as one of the 24 core character strengths under the virtue umbrella of humanity.

Moving forward:

You can improve your social intelligence and meaningfully connect with others.

Start by paying attention during your interactions with people. Reflect on your conversations, and work to understand how you could’ve responded better. Study social situations. Pay attention to what other people are doing well and the mistakes you should avoid. Think about what you want to improve in your next social situation. In other words, practice.

Through gradual development of social intelligence skills, you’ll be well on your way to a more connected and fulfilling life and career.

A study followed 80 scientists over the course of 40 years and found that social and emotional abilities were 4 times more important than IQ in determining professional success and prestige. [8]

Transforming your Leadership:

As mentioned, Cognitive Readiness is a set of distinct categories which are highly intertwined.

The category of social intelligence is a bit awkward for some people, but use the skills from the previous categories (Attentional Focus, Cognitive Intelligence, and Emotional Intelligence) to improve your social intelligence.

That’s a wrap for the main cognitive readiness categories. Make sure you’re subscribed and following along as we’ll continue to learn, practice, and improve our cognitive readiness. Together let’s build a better work-life combo.