The Influence of Others

Many an individual’s problems stem from the environment around them.  Individuals tend to put a large emphasis on the events and situations occurring from other people and outside things.  While it is a very common thing, it is also very harmful.  Our problems are our own.  To borrow and adjust a quote by Homer Simpson: “To myself, the cause of and solution to all of life’s problems.”

It is how we think about and react to the situations placed on us by other people that impacts us as a problem or not.  Is it a problem or an opportunity?

Are we constantly expecting other people to work on themselves, to improve their situations, and to solve their own problems?  Do we throw out advice and suggestions with the expectations that they should already know this stuff?  Is there some form of ‘how stupid can they be if they don’t already know this’ floating within your beliefs and expectations?

At the same time, do we have the expectation that someone else will do it for us?  Can we be lazy because it is someone else’s responsibility to solve the problem?  All the while, do we criticize others for the solution they offer up?  Do we challenge another’s solution because we don’t like it or it inconveniences us in some way?

Can we change this thinking?

First, let’s expect that we are going to help rather than expect someone else to do it.  If we are going to expect someone else to fix the problem, let them, and instead of criticizing their work, appreciate that you don’t have to do the work.  If their solution effects you, find ways to work around it, find the benefits, or find the opportunities to grow, learn, and thrive from the new perspective.

Offer to help or take it on yourself.  This way you can do it perfectly, exactly the way it should be done, and everyone will be thrilled and equally happy with the solution.  There is a bit of sarcasm in that last sentence, but that is a point I am trying to make, that no one will ever thrill everyone with their solution.  We must all have patience and understanding.  We must adapt ourselves to end up being happy.

Do we put ourselves in their shoes?  Do you know exactly their experience, their knowledge, and their beliefs?  Have you followed that person from birth to understand where they originate from when they proposed their solution?  If so, you will be able to see where they faltered, and you can help them understand and remember what they missed.  If not, don’t criticize but seek to understand.  If you haven’t taken the time to look over their shoulder every second of their life, then you do not understand them, where they come from, or what information they are using to formulate a solution.  Have patience and seek to understand where they are coming from, what knowledge they have, and how they pieced together their solution.

All of this is easier said than done, I am fully aware.  If you want to be happy, want the most out of your life, and want the most out of those around you, you must be willing to work on and understand both yourself and everyone else, the link and the chain.  Everything worth having is worth the effort.  Start small, take small steps, and practice for short periods of time at first.  Patience and persistence is what will propel  you through the journey.  Don’t think of it as a destination, it is a journey.