Don’t Avoid Conflict

What do you do when there is conflict between people?

Do you walk the other way?  Do you get involved and join in as a heated participant?

This is your time to shine!  As a leader you get to help resolve the conflict.  No more running away, and definitely, no joining in.  You need to help resolve the conflict and move the team to positive working relationships.

So how does one do this?

First, don’t get engulfed by the conflict.  Work to stay an observer, particularly an unbiased observer.  As a leader if you are witness to people in conflict, stay, watch, and listen.  Depending on how it is going, allow the folks to air their grievances, and sit back and listen.  They may be in an argument thinking that they are alone and that no one is watching, so if you are there, they may adjust their behavior.  Encourage them to be open with one another to share what they are thinking and feeling, and remind them that you are there to support a resolution.  If the argument is headed to an unhealthy direction, you may need to shut it down and ask people to walk away for the moment.  Also, respect the other people around you by moving the group to a quiet spot or meeting room.

Second, get all the information.  In the heat of the moment, you are probably not going to receive or understand all of the background information about what caused the conflict and what is keeping the conflict going.  You may need to circle back at another time to do so.  It is still a good idea to let them discuss at that moment, and you can set up times to talk with each person afterwords.  Depending on the background information you receive, you may even need to speak with other people.

Next, set up times to discuss with each person involved.  If the conflict is relatively civil, you could have all of the parties in the same room and find a resolution together.  Otherwise, individual meetings may be the better route.  If the people involved are from other departments, outside your own, make sure you get their management involved, and at the bare minimum, informed.  They may have information on what is going on or how to help resolve the conflict.

Lastly, follow up.  Keep an eye on the folks involved and touch base with them from time to time, particularly on the subject of the conflict.  Make sure the relationship continues to be civil, from all parties’ perspectives.  Ensure that agreements are being met and tasks are being completed on time, if any were discussed during the resolution meeting.  Don’t just think that if everyone is smiles and agreeable that everyone is being totally honest.  Deep feelings or a long history could lead to flair ups, and people may say what you want to hear just to move on with their day.

Taking on a leadership roll means taking on the courage to resolve conflict between people.  Conflict will arise as people are passionate about the work they do.  If you see people in an argument, stick around to help them cool off.  Afterwards, get all the information on the conflict, help to lead toward resolutions and solutions, and follow up to ensure everyone is upholding their end of the bargain and the relationships continue to mend.